I was am so much in love with this woman,

I cannot even begin to tell you.

Like my other teenage idol, Bif Naked, Shirley Manson showed me a path of being understood through music, lyrics and attitude. I was listening to their music all the time, making me feel at home even when I was rejected for being different, being sad and hurt and feeling alone in the world.

Apart from Bif, HOLE, the band of Courtney Love was another huge influence on me. All those cool women, doing their thing. Garbage even named their third album BEAUTIFUL GARBAGE after a line in HOLE’s celebrity skin. Everything was linked. I felt a strong connection with all this, and I still do. Those were most important days for me, stepping into adulthood with a strong companion, music. They all taught me about diversity, sexual identity and gender, which I am most thankful for.

Now, Rolling Stone has issued a “20 years Garbage” interview with Shirley Manson, where she mostly tackles the issue of being the odd one out, which was the way I have always felt as well. And still do. Unless, I am among like-minded people, of course. On October 31st, I will see Garbage in Cologne, celebrating their first album with my best friend Tina who has been sharing this experience with ever since. ❤ here is to grrrl power!

Back then, being gay, being a lesbian, being bi, being trans, that was still considered by the mainstream quite shocking. It’s hard to imagine now because the new generations don’t even blink an eye. They are still making headway. But back then it was still an issue and it was something I always felt was so wrong and that it was a civil rights issue. I loved having “Queer” in our arsenal.

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/shirley-manson-reflects-on-20-years-of-garbage-20150814

The queerest of the queer
The strangest of the strange
The coldest of the cool
The lamest of the lame
The numbest of the dumb
I hate to see you here
You choke behind a smile
A fake behind the fear
The queerest of the queer

This is what he pays me for
I’ll show you how it’s done
You learn to love the pain you feel
Like father like son

The queerest of the queer
Hide inside your head
The blindest of the blind
The deadest of the dead
You’re hungry cause you starve
While holding back the tears
Choking on your smile
A fake behind the fear
The queerest of the queer

I know what’s good for you (You can touch me if you want)
I know you’re dying to (You can touch me if you want)
I know what’s good for you (You can touch me if you want)
But you can’t stop

When I say I listened to their music, I am not even getting started. I was addicted. Ordered records all over the world (being underage with no credit card, it was a huge hassle without paypal back then 😀 ) I went to see them live in Cologne, Amsterdam, we travelled and were roadtripping for them as soon as we had our licence and cars.All of my walls were full with the pictures of beautiful Shirley, I was so in love with that gorgeous woman. She was not as regular beauties and cool women like Gwen Stefani which I adored as well. Shirley was more fragile, relateable, talked about insecurities and still kicked ass on stage and on record!

I collected all singles I could get my hands on (for the B-Sides!), got their albums in different versions (on the Japanese one there was also #1 Crush on it) 😛 we bought all international music magazines which featured their interviews, I used the new phenomenom of the internet, which came to my village and my father’s computer around 1996, my first email adress included SUPERVIXEN, a song title of Garbage, which brought me into a lot of situations of explaining it to German people. 😀 there is a similar word in German which is not that nice, haha.

We joined internet forums, fan clubs, discussed lyrics, hairstyles and set lists, even translated the lyrics into German to analyse them even further. (We got some of the expressions wrong I figure looking back to them today) ❤ my parents supported my star-struck heart with all they had.

I know, this is Adult Alternative, maybe even Pop (they also did a Bond theme song for THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH), but this is the music that shaped me in my early years. More than Slipknot or others did by then or later on. I still know every word she sings… and I guess I always will 😉

As tacky as my teenage room looked like 😀

A handful of these songs sound like they have a specific vendetta against someone or something that dared to wrong you, Shirley. How does that fire sit now, 20 years later?
Manson
: [laughs] I know this is going to come as a big shock to everybody, but it still sits very well and very easily on my shoulders [laughs]. I am honest to a fault. It’s probably my greatest strength and my most crippling weakness. I want to get the truth out, and I want the truth back. I’m not really interested in all the other bullshit; I’ve got no time for it. That was in me back then too, which was a merciful godsend because I made really smart decisions about what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. It was very authentic, even then. Those drivers remain with me today. That’s a relief because I know a lot of artists go, “Well we don’t want to play our first record because we don’t even relate to it anymore.” The great thing is that I still relate to all these songs. They continue to resound in my life today with some of the assholes I have to deal with [laughs].

They’re never gonna go away!
Manson: Lord have mercy. That’s the good news: Assholes are never going away.

You’ll always have something to sing about.
Manson
: That is a given! The world is always changing, but assholes remain the same. They’re here to stay [laughs].

http://noisey.vice.com/blog/shirley-manson-butch-vig-garbage

Today, I follow Shirley on facebook and she is still a great role-model. Even a better one maybe today then back then when she was very drunk on stage, forgetting her own lyrics. 😀 she is outspoken as ever before and I am glad she was my #1 Crush! 🙂

Dearest Trolls I forgive you your bitterness and your ignorance. You are not entirely to blame for how you turned out. Unfortunately bad things can happen to good people and it turns them a little sour. I get that. I hope you figure out what it is in your life that’s making you so miserable. Maybe then you might stop leaving really ridiculous comments on my page that make you look a little sad and silly. Love all, Hate none.
I’ve said it before. I will say it again. Peaches is a genius. She is a renegade. She is a pioneer. She is valiant. And she is true. She is a modern Joan of Arc. She is an artist of our times. She is bold and she is fearless and she is essential. She happens to have a new book out. Go support her. Join her crusade. You won’t find a more pure soul to stand with, this side of the Atlantic. Love love love from a MAJOR fan Sx

“Shut Your Mouth”Welcome

We love you
We hate you
We love you
We want you
We need you
We wish we were like you
They say you’re a saint
You’re a whore
You’re a sinner
That he had you
He made you
He can’t live without you
Would you confess if we asked
That you nurture the urge
To declare that it’s time
To settle down
With a man of your own
You want a baby
A family
A piece of security Shut your mouth
Try not to panic
Just shut your mouth
If you can do it
Shut your mouth
Try not to panic
Just shut your mouth
If you can do it
Just shut your mouth What’s your opinion of the dire situation
In our land here
Our guest here
Of course you’ll be nice here
How do you feel about God and religion
Are you good people
Bad people
Guess it doesn’t matter people
Your place
My place
Make her bring that famous face
You got some
You want some
You wanna let me get you some
We know your music but of course we’d never buy it
It’s too fake man
Right man!
(We don’t give a fucking damn) Shut your mouth
Try not to panic
Just shut your mouth
If you can do it
Shut your mouth
Try not to panic
Just shut your mouth
If you can do it

I hear you say it
Play it smart girl
Win the game love
Give’em what they want
What they want to see and you could be a big star
You could go far
Make a landmark
What have you been reading you smart girl?
Win the game love
Give’em what they want
What they want to see and you could be a big star
You could go far
Make a landmark
Make a shitload

And the world spins by
With everybody moaning
Pissing, bitching and everyone is shitting
On their friends
On their love
On their oaths
On their honor
On their graves
On their mouths
And their words say nothing

Shut your mouth
Try not to panic
Just shut your mouth
If you can do it
Shut your mouth
Try not to panic
Just shut your mouth
If you can do it
Just shut your mouth

I wanted to say something
Oh shut your mouth
I wanted to say something
Just shut your mouth
I wanted to say something
Oh shut your mouth
I wanted to be something
Just shut your mouth

THAT SCOTTISH ACCENT!!!

Poor wee V doesn’t want to let me go now I have returned home from Mexico. She keeps clinging on to me for dear life. Consequently I am swooning with confused, complicated feelings of happiness.

Now all she has left to do is go vegan 😀 ❤ 😀 ❤

…she’d make a great ambassador!

I still love you Shirley, see you in October!!!

KAT

IMG_6902-2

I am doing what I always wanted to do, I am writing and asking people about their stories. In the surroundings that mean most to me: more than music, but music laying the groundwork for all this. I found hardcore after being a straight edge metalhead since 16, It got a hold of me. And I am holding on to every moment. Through hardcore I turned to veganism in 2009. And hardcore was the reason for starting this zine & blog with Phil in 2012. It is simple: DIY OR DIE. Poems are a matter of heart and mind to me, in as many languages and forms as possible.